Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
