god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
