return my video game
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
