it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
