how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
