and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
