just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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