she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
