check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
