I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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