insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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