And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
