I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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