I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
