He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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