i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
