JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
