You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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