New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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