That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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