He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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