I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
