i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
3 2 1 whiskey
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
