Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
