only if we run a train.
done.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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