i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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