You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
