Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
