so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
