Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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