I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
