You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
