Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
