she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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