I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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