just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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