If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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