goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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