too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
