just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
