After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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