Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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