Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
