I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
