Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
