Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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