toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
