So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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