You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
