You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
