and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
