my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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