dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
