No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
