Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
