He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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