Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
