currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
