Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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