Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
